The First 12 Weeks!

So you’ve spent X number of hours in labour which is hell on earth, then you spend a few sleepless nights in hospital being poked and prodded, while trying to take in all the instructions and hoping you’re doing it all right.  Then they send you home with the tiny, pink wiggly human.

Image: Me and Our Tiny New Human

Now, if you’re anything like most first time parents, then you would have spent some time amassing baby ‘stuff’.

There are some things that I really wish I hadn’t bothered with, and one or two things that I wish I had, and you know what, it’s not some secret club, someone should have told me!  (Please note that any links to sites are purely based on what we have bought, I am not intentionally endorsing these products, have not been paid to do so either – more’s the shame!)

1. Outfits to bring new human home in… yes you have to pack a few outfits for the hospital, but even with the additional growth scans that we had which told us we were in for a 7.5 to 8.5 lb baby, they were wrong, she was a tiddler at 6.09 and even the ‘newborn’ sizes were swamping her.  She was 4 days old when we had to take a trip out to find some ‘tiny baby’ clothes! So maybe pack a tiny baby set, a newborn set and a massive baby set (if there is such a thing).  Your fella/birth partner can always go get more of the right size when they get kicked out after visiting hours!
2. Bounty hospital photos, have them done, you wont get another chance, they’re not cheap but they’re lovely.  So maybe do some research about the packages and the prices.  We really liked the ‘special delivery’ cards and used them to announce her arrival to family.  A lot of the photos that we got are still in a folder awaiting framing etc. so perhaps we didn’t need them all, but they will have their places in time… when we have time… so never?

1. Nappies…. don’t bulk buy before the arrival of the tiny new human.  You my find that the brand of nappy that you have bought in by the boat load doesn’t agree with the tiny new human’s delicate derriere.  They might be the wrong shape for them.  E.g. we were gifted a number of different brands, many of which the tiny new human (TNH) leaked out of or got nappy rash from, the ones that worked a charm for us were the Aldi Mamia nappies.  As soon as the TNH is big enough I am also going to try to use cloth/resusable … do not try this until the TNH has stopped pooping marmite, or you may as well bin them along with the disposables.
2. Wipes…. they tell you that you can’t use any wipes in the beginning, and you are meant to use cotton wool and water.  DON’T… think about wiping up marmite with cotton wool balls…. fail.  We found ‘water wipes’ they were brilliant, and from what I have seen on the market there are other brands that are now marketing wipes for newborns… use them!  We have since moved on to cheeky wipes (reusable wipes) in the house and only use disposable wipes when we are out and about.
3. Nappy disposal system things… Forget it, they’re all the expensive space invading pile of rubbish, all they do is wrap a nappy which is exactly what a biodegradable nappy bag will do (I got 250 for a quid in the Range! and Boots do their own for 50p)
4. Baby Toiletries… yes that new baby smell is not Johnsons, and in fact you shouldn’t use anything on the TNH’s skin until they are 6 months or more, especially not soaps or talcs that dry the skin, or baby oil (you end up with a slippery TNH and that’s no fun!), or indeed the baby lotion, it’s perfumed and in my mind if it can take off my 24 hour mascara then it’s too strong for an infant’s skin.  I use coconut oil for everything; baby bum/barrier cream and moisturiser.  Also there is no need to use baby bath – same as soap, dries them out!  This is all a bit of a pain in the butt when it’s one of the main gifted items… still we have ended up using it all on ourselves, so maybe it’s the parents that smell like new baby?
5. ‘White Noise’ App/monitor/toy – you NEED one, whether it’s an app on your phone or Ewan the Dream Sheep, or on your baby monitor, one with or without light, light shows, night light… whatever… you need it, trust me.  The bounty lady introduced me to the app when she was taking the pictures of the TNH and it calmed her like a dream, enough to get some lovely first pictures.
6. Swaddle blanket… in the beginning while I was in hospital she wouldn’t tolerate being swaddled and I spent two mornings (like from midnight to 5am) walking the halls of the hospital ward as the TNH wouldn’t settle in the hospital cot, and I was too afraid to have her cuddled on me in my bed as I’d had no sleep in three days and the hospital beds are high!  As time has gone on we wouldn’t have coped without the swaddle blanket.  The TNH is a night-time raver; she flings her arms about, knocking her dummy out (another thing we didn’t want to give her but colic at 3 weeks old showed us the error of our ways!), and generally being a bit of a wally and waking herself up…. get those arms swaddled, and if you need to, use the ‘double swaddle’ where you trap their arms with muslin before wrapping your baby burrito for the night.  Granted she is now coming up to 12 weeks and is big enough for the grobags so we don’t use the swaddle but we have still wrapped her arms if we need to.
7. Snugglebundl….. now this is something that we didn’t have but my god do I wish we did.  In fact I regularly scour ebay for second hand ones as for a simple design they are bloody expensive  new. (Edited: I have now managed to get a second hand one and despite my declaration that it is ‘just a blanket with handles’ I LOVE mine and totally wish I had got it when she was newborn!)
   

   

   (Apart from anything else it makes weighing the baby dead easy with luggage scales)

8. Scratch Mittens… pointless, burn them… if you find you need to keep your TNH from gouging out their eyes with their razor sharp fingernails then get the sleepsuits with the integrated mittens, even then they WILL wriggle out of them.  We had to put mittens ON TOP of the suits with integrated mittens to succeed, and even then in the morning we would often find that little Miss Houdini had her fingers firmly in her EYES!! (Dear god child leave the eyes alone)
9. Anything from the Natural Birthing Company is amazing! I used their perineal massage oil (still needed an episiotomy mind you!), their down below tincture for recovery and the bosom buddies kit while breast feeding. All blissfully amazing! You’ll also need reusable breast pads and sanitary pads. They’re kinder to your delicate areas and better for the environment.
10. A Nursing app, I use BabyNursing, you will be in no state of mind to remember when you last fed your baby, from which boob (if breastfeeding you should always start on the breast they finished their last feed on).  It also can record nappies which was great when we went through 11 days of no poops! (Which is normal for breastfed babies, but we didn’t know!).  I had to use an app as ‘feeding on demand’wasn’t working for us, so I had to switch to feeding every two hours regardless of whether she gave cues.
11. A Sling; Not one of those solid form carriers, I am talking about a stretchy flexible sling like this;

It can be used as prescribed so that you can get some stuff done in the house, take a walk, go to the loo even, with the little TNH attached to you.  You can also use it as an impromptu breast feeding cover (which personally I never covered for as the TNH didn’t latch with her face covered), changing mat, blanket etc.  There is a whole community of ‘baby wearers’ out there, there are sling libraries that you can borrow from and other ‘wearers’ you can get advice from.  You also don’t need buy a jazzy new expensive one, I got mine off ebay second hand for £10 and it’s been amazing, you can even make your own and there are ‘patterns’ all over the internet, however it’s just a VERY long piece of slightly stretchy fabric!

Things that they don’t tell you that you need to know…

1. *TMI Warning* The first post-partum poop! It’s terrifying, thanks to another Mummy friend I survived.  You will need a flannel/washcloth and a sink of hot water (as hot or warm as you can bare on your nethers) when you feel the urge – which might not be for a few days (the longer you wait the harder it will be) press the hot washcloth over your perineum and vagina while you go.  It’s not a pleasant experience but one that is made easier the earlier you go.
2. You will never get anything done ever again… or if you do (via the grace of a sling) it’s 100 times slower than you ever expect.  You will need hours to prepare to leave the house, then double it.  Shower? Dream on!
3. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is bollocks! – when the baby sleeps you’ll want to shower, eat, brush your teeth, do laundry, hoover, yadda yadda yadda – you never sleep when the baby sleeps.  Sometimes you even just sit there staring at the TNH while they sleep, waiting for them to wake up because you can’t quite believe they’re actually asleep…
4. The only thing you can do when your Velcro baby is sleeping on you is use your smartphone, that’s why we’re all on Facebook, or amazon… Same when you’re breastfeeding…
5. You talk about poop A LOT…
6. You recall other parents at baby groups by the name of their child… my memory is still shot to shit and I can barely remember my own name most days.

What I will say about this life changing event (becoming a Mum!) is that it has taken me to the highest I will ever be, I can’t believe how amazing this Tiny New Human is, and how much I adore her, I could kiss her baby head, breathe in her skin and cuddle her to me, or just watch her breathe, all the hours on the earth.  In the same breath she has brought crashing lows; 3 days with 20 minutes sleep makes you question everything, when they just WONT sleep, or when they are crying with such desperation and there is nothing you can do.  It will test your sanity.  I know that in 12 weeks we probably haven’t even seen the highest high or the lowest low yet, but I do know there is probably very little I wont do for just a few more minutes sleep…

Adventures with our TNH can be seen on Instagram; PandoraPeroxide

I am sure there are loads of other things and anecdotes that can be added to this, so please feel free to add your own in comments.

And of course … not to mention that without my Steve … well we wouldn’t be here with our amazing little Squidge.  He is the most amazing man in the universe. xx

The final hurdle!

Well we’re 38 weeks along now! Babygirl is weighing in at about 7lbs according to ya kno ‘science’ …. We’ve been discharged as high risk so now it’s just a waiting game!  Bouncing on my birth ball and drinking my raspberry leaf tea. 

  
I finished work a couple of weeks ago and it’s been awesome, I’m tired and achy but I’m not having to deal with that too! My send off was lovely and we’ve been very spoilt.   

 I’ve been trying to do little bits at home (there’s still lots to do lol) but interspersed with lots of sitting! At least until Steve is up here full time which should be from this weekend.  Steve will be cracking on with our new kitchen while either waiting for her to arrive and/or while she’s here. So I’m attempting to help moving stuff out of the way so he can crack on….

I’ve maintained weight and was discharged by the dietician a few weeks ago, thanks I think to chocolate, and wine gums! There’s a little part of me that is still hoping that when babygirl is born that the resulting weight will be under 12 stone but honestly my priority is having her here safe. 

We have a ‘plan’ and we have I think everything we need for her, the bags are packed and the baby seat is prepped…. But everything is so uncertain until she arrives! Is anyone really really ready? 

6 Weeks to go!

Well, today feels like a massive write off.  Had an awesome week away staying in Mablethorpe on the East coast, no alarm clocks, no rushing about and it was fab; I had no digestive problems, no funny fainting fits, no crazy tired twitchy eyes.  It was bliss and at 33 weeks pregnant makes me realise how stressful work and working is at this stage.  I have 3 weeks left at work and I am counting the days.  Had a meeting this morning, and had forgotten that I had booked the car in to have new front tires fitted, so the ever forgiving boyfriend ferried me to the meeting and picked me up, then I went back to the office for an hour, only to realise thanks to my work calendar that was reminded that I had a midwife appointment, so out I went again, having been in the office an hour! I had come back to over 100 emails but not actually as many as I had expected which was a relief. Within two hours of being in the meeting this morning I developed crazy twitchy eye…. joy.

Midwife appointment was good, babygirl is measuring spot on at 34 weeks, went through ‘birth plan’ or should I say ‘wish list’ as it’s not really down to me what I want. Baby is getting more and more wiggly which is good, but can also be little uncomfortable.  Sleeping has started getting uncomfortable with my hips aching but to be fair I’ve been ok sleeping until now.  I’ve been lucky I think.  We cleaned the car and fitted the car seat at the weekend, and I’ve packed my hospital bag, only the baby bag and Steve’s bag to go, I’ve cleaned the washing machine in preparation to wash the baby clothes, and I made scones…. I am not nesting…. there is still a lot to do and I have a lot of clearing out to do so I am hoping that the few weeks we should have before she arrives is enough time. Steve still has some work in Essex so we are hoping she stays in for her time and doesn’t surprise us early!

In terms of the weightloss and where I am with my surgery recovery, I was 14 stone when we got pregnant, down from 17 stone pre surgery, I went down to 12 stone at my lightest and I am now 12.7 stones, I’ve gained 7 lbs in the third trimester and I am pleased, after all babygirl needs some fat! I am confident that after she is born and when I need to I can get back on track but her nutrition is key, I will forever come second to her needs and I guess that’s just not gonna change!

No pics or links in this one; quite frankly can’t be arsed…. I’m pregnant… that’s my excuse!

3 Stone… Gone

My Christmas stall is over, I lost the 4 lbs I was struggling with last week, which means that I am a total of 3 stone lighter.  I have had a rubbish afternoon, obviously ate something that disagreed with me, either I didn’t chew it enough or something but ended up with almost unbearable pains all afternoon, even flexi’d off early so I could come home and wallow in self pity.  And then just like that it was gone and I was fine.  Typical, and in all fairness very normal, I have been very lucky, or careful that in the last 11 weeks I have not been too poorly with my Sleeve. I did feel like death however. Probably self inflicted, so I am having an evening with fruit smoothie.

I have been going to aqua a couple of times a week and I did a particularly active session on Saturday and I now have DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) in my left buttock and it’s been making me limp all day… I have a sore arse!

I picked up some 3kg dumb bell thingies from aldi today too for me to use at home… well I might…

Making good use of my yumbox now at work, and may actually get rid of the actidiet stuff that is giving me pain.

My man is amazing, he came home today and moved my car and brought the cat food in without me even mentioning it to him. Every day he does something awesome.

So … all the things are good…

Two weeks out…

Two weeks post surgery and I have gone back to work, the routine helps me get the fluids in, I struggle more when I’m at home. I’ve not suffered from the dreaded head hunger much which is a blessing. I’m getting a little bored of chocolate protein shakes. I’ve lost 11lbs since the surgery which is great, I’m still tender on my left hand side of my tummy and I keep waking in the night with a cough,  could be a touch of asthma, stuffy air and a bit of a seasonal cough. 

While I have been off work my fella has been working like a trojan; painting and all sorts, he’s been a total legend while I have been trying to make up for sitting on my ass by cooking and making tea.  Although that doesn’t seem like enough!

I have just given myself my penultimate deltaparin injection, which is a blessing as they are starting to get quite painful and my poor tum is looking like a black and blue pin cushion. The other plus side is that I only have to wear these sexy compression stockings until the end of Wednesday!

I have been compiling a mental list of the things I am looking forward to when I can eat again at the end of January; faggots & mushy peas as having been a vegetarian for over 10 years it was something that popped into my mind in hospital and has been lingering, scrambled egg, poached egg on crumpet with marmite, because well eggy marmitey bliss, and a piece of KFC chicken for the same vegetarian reason and that there is a KFC literally 100m away and I’ve never had it from there since I moved here. I know it’ll be in miniscule portions but I need to have somerhing to look forward to. Plus well it’s all protein which is good….

So there you have it… all going well so far!

The big reveal…

The dressings came off and I didn’t freak out! In all fairness there was nothing to be worried about and the team did a great job of it all!

This may actually be the last gross tummy pic but if it helps anyone else who is about to do this then great!

My life changed this week…

Well it’s done! I was initially scheduled for gastric sleeve surgery on the 1st November,  however I had a call in the week before to see if I could come in on the 2nd, Sunday. The night before we went to see ‘horns’ at the cinema for a bit of distraction. Then I had to shower that night with some lovely antibacterial wash from the hospital, before trying to get a few sparse hours sleep. Awake for 5:30am, another antibacterial shower, then bundled into the car for the 20 minute journey to the hospital.

I was checked in and we were shown to my room, which I would be returning to after a short spell in the high dependency unit post surgery.  The surgeon ; Mr Christopher Sutton, and the anaesthetist; Dr David Christopher Bouch popped in for the pre op chat, I was fitted for my compression stockings and then slipped into my 100% cotton pants and surgical gown (if they weren’t 100% cotton I would have either had to risk embaressment splitting the disposable paper ones provided or go without!! No thank you!).

I could tell how worried my beloved was, and in all fairness I felt bad for putting him through all this, and so soon in our time together.  I could only reassure him that all would be ok, I think that helped me believe it too!

There was a lot of waiting from then, we arrived at about 7am and I was taken down to theatre about 11:30am (I could have had a lie in!). Steve went on home with the promise from the team of a phone call when I was out of theatre. After all it would be a while before I was compus mentus and he would have fared better with some distraction.

I was wheeled into the room next to theatre and fitted with my canulas and then walked into theatre and assisted into the position by the anaesthetist (feet all the way down onto pads as apparently they stand you up when you’re out, impresive!). I can remember they were playing 80’s hair rock power ballads, totally awesome… I was put out to Whitesnake ‘is this love’. I could have cried with happiness. It WAS meant to be! No one can do a bad job listening to 80’s rock power ballads!

I think the anaesthetist was talking to me about what I did as I went out, he told me to take deep breaths and I would feel coldness. He wasn’t bloody wrong; it felt like ice cold death creeping up my arm and into my lungs and throat. Then blackness.

The next thing I knew I was groggily waking up to the anaesthetist telling me that everything went well, I can’t really remember much else until it was about 5pm, I’d been fitted with oxygen as my saturation rates were low,  probably as a result of  a combination of being historically asthmatic and shallow breathing.

I hurt… and I just couldn’t stay awake! I did however stay awake enough to put my piercings back in! None of them closed up! Hurrah! It really was a struggle for me to come round from the anaesthetic, I kept being woken for various regular medications and measurements. I shan’t breakdown every day as in all honestly it was a boring combination of sleeping and shuffling around my bed. Steve came to see me every day, brought me flowers and watched me sleep. Words can’t describe how much he’s done, and how much he means to me, totally humbled and slightly guilty that I put him through it all, but the quality of life afterwards will be tenfold.

I was discharged on Wednesday,  with a sackful of potions, pills and injections and so far recovery is going well.

Onwards and upwards! Exciting times to come.  I’ve been blessed with some awesome friends and the most supportive partner I could dream of. Thank you all for the support you have all given,   and to the staff of ward two at the spire hospital in Leicester, the surgeon and anaesthetist,  I know already you have helped me change my life!

I will never look like this:

Ever again!!!

The countdown…

Ok so the time is creeping and creeping closer, 2 weeks tomorrow and I shall be going under the knife for my gastric sleeve. After the time was moving so slowly a few weeks ago and I was counting 63, 62, 61… now I am days away. I have taken steps to prepare myself for the liver reduction diet, so that they can work around it laparoscopically. I have been doing my actidiet low calorie diet this week; 3 sachets and a low carb meal in the evenings. Ironically actidiet is too low in calories with the 100% VLCD diet for the liver reduction diet, so I am going to do 3-4 sachets and a meal for the next two weeks.

I have even taken to doing some freezer prep, I have cooked and pureed some food into ice cube trays and stored, so that I have some ready for after the op. I will be doing a month liquids, a month puree and a month soft food before moving onto normal food in very small quantities.
I have spoken with the dietician, who is the same lady that prepared me 5 years ago for the gastric bypass that I was bullied out of, and she has approved my plans, pre op, she will also come and see me on the ward to talk me through moving forward after the op. Plus as with anyone who is having this kind of thing I have done hours of research, as a good friend just said “You’ve got this”… I just have to keep positive and keep up with the personal pep-talks. I’ll be on real food again at the end of Jan, and I am so looking forward to not being able to eat over Christmas! It’s hell for someone like me…. Food everywhere and with no ‘natural stopping mechanism’ I spend the whole time feeling bloated, sick and full of rubbish, not to mention gaining many many lbs, this time though I will be feeling bloated, sick and full…. But for a better reason; weaning my micro tum.

My only wish is that I am one of those people post op that exclaims how much they love their sleeve!

I have my pre op appointment a week on Monday and I think that will be the day when I start to get nervous but I have an awesome fella supporting me and some cracking friends and colleagues supporting me.

“Don’t think of it as going without cake, think of it as you’ve already had more cake than most people eat in a lifetime so you’ve had your quota.”
Adele’s Dad… Via Adele…

(Insert expletive)

Eek well I have been rather remiss in my writings recently as there has been so much to do all the time! Where are we now with the progress of ‘things’??
The Gastric Sleeve surgery has been confirmed in writing.

The medical loan funding has been secured and I have had the date for my pre-operative assessments. I am struggling to stay on Actidiet, and now and again I am trying things that I may not be able to eat for a long time after my surgery. For example I went to Frankie and Benny’s and had a burger, I’ve had a roast dinner and I’ve had Chinese crispy duck pancakes! So yes I am no longer a pescitarian, and so far I have not had any adverse effects, i.e. my historic IBS. I have one thing left to try but I am a bit more wary of this as the reaction I used to get was violently painful vomiting, and that is Salmon, so I will have to see, and maybe try some when I am due to be at home for a couple of days…

We have been to Alton Towers again, with a couple of good friends and had a brilliant time, I went on a few rides I’ve not been on yet, and managed to get on some favourites, as well as thrashing all the boys on the haunted house shootemup ride called duel….#notjustforkids

Then the BF and I went to watch the cricket for a day; Leicestershire Vs Essex, let’s just say that my allegiances to the Southernmost contender have been re-established… and we thoroughly enjoyed the peace and quiet in the sunshine, and even learnt how it all works… experts however we are not but we could follow it!!

I am in the process of purchasing a house to rent out, round my family’s neck of the woods, so the conveyancing of that is about to start, then I will have to sort out getting tenants in to it.
I have an ongoing ‘issue’ with the work that my builder has done at my home address and I am trying desperately to get that sorted and to be fair this is causing my anxiety levels to increase more than the house purchase or the imminent surgery!

I am selling a few things on ebay, etsy and shpock so try to make ends meet at the moment. I am confident that it’ll all ‘come right in the wash’ and that I will be able to do it all! However it’s ALL going on at the same time!

There is also a job application that I am thinking of completing, however the outgoing member of staff is a veteran and has the knowledge of the universe in her brain and the general consensus is that the job that has ‘defeated’ her is a job that no one else wants! Plus where I am now is ok, I have the trust and appreciation of my manager and I hope my team, we work in a pleasant office. Yes there are frustrations, but do I want to progress, but to where…. Out of the frying pan and into the apocalypse?

Also going to be having a house guest; a friend’s sister is going to stay with me while her rental property is made available to her as she as secured a local job. So this week involves lots of cleaning! Eek! Oh and there’s the round trip to Coalville on Thursday morning before work to consider!

Waiting….for a normal life

Well here I sit in the waiting room at the Spire Hospital, waiting to have a consultation with a bariatric surgeon, the last time I was here was 5 years ago and in a totally different place; emotionally and physically.
I was an hysterical mess then. Now I am excited almost. Then I so wanted the gastric bypass; a rather drastic operation but in my mind the only option. Supported by the surgeon, but not my partner at the time or my mother.
The surgeon at least was right in his opinon that if he didn’t do it then they would see me back here, bigger. Low and behold looky here where I be sat!
This time after the Mummatron has introduced me to a newer, less drastic operation; the gastric sleeve.  No moving tubes or innards quite so much, more a reducing of the stomach from a pouch that can hold  far too much pizza to one that is more ‘normal’ in it’s sation.
I am on a fact finding mission tonight; would they, could they do it, and with me losing weight would they recommend now after some more weight loss, what are the risks?